Beyond Small Talk and Social Media
Written by Mariateresa Romeo
Relationship building is a universal competency, a thread that ties all professionals and leaders together. We cultivate this skill early in our careers by connecting with peers and managers.
As we progress to leadership roles, we become more strategic in building relationships with individuals who hold key positions or possess specific expertise relevant to our professional or organizational goals.
This competence transcends job titles, roles, industries, and organizations. Sooner or later, we all reach a point where the relationships we’ve built make the difference, whether securing a referral or a job opportunity.
Networking is a set of behaviors aimed at building and maintaining interpersonal relationships that can facilitate work-related activities.
This includes internal networking with colleagues in your organization and external networking with people from other organizations, such as clients, partners, or vendors. Internal networking can help you navigate your current workplace, while external networking can open up new opportunities and resources.
Understanding and balancing these two types of networking is critical to maximizing the benefits of your professional relationships.
Studies show that 85% of jobs are filled via networking with personal and professional connections, 84% of the B2B buying process starts with a referral, and word of mouth affects 20% to 50% of purchasing decisions.
Although the need for solid business relationships is widely acknowledged, not everyone intentionally develops their network and considers it more a “casualty” than a skillset to develop.
Let’s start by saying that having thousands of LinkedIn connections or followers on Instagram or Twitter doesn’t mean you have an impactful business network. We spend so much time on social media; they are undoubtedly instrumental in expanding our connections. However, being connected via LinkedIn doesn’t imply that this person will reply to your emails or answer your calls.
To build a business relationship, you need an interaction that goes beyond a connecting request or a small talk at a bar counter and is developed over time.
Whether I help professionals enhance their social skills or develop my business network, I rely on three imperatives: being intentional, consistent, and generous.
1) Be intentional in selecting the people to approach and how
We all have limited time for networking, and although it is always good to show availability and meet new people, we need to build our network with clear goals, whether finding a new job or developing our business. This will allow us to reach out to people who can effectively support our achievements.
One of the most common mistakes, especially for young professionals, is to think of themselves as influencers. Business networking is about getting to know the right people rather than having an infinite list of contacts. Of course, the more people I know, the more likely I am to reach the “right” one, but this effort must be strategized if we want to develop connections that matter and make good use of our and other people’s time.
Another aspect of intentionality concerns the way we approach others. I have always believed in clarity as a pillar for any relationship, not only business-related. Be honest about why you are approaching someone, don’t indulge too much in small talk or unrelated topics, and allow them to choose to establish a relationship with you. Do not pretend you approach them as casualties or friends while hoping they buy your products. Being clear about our intentions is a high form of respect toward others.
Similarly, if someone approaches you for business reasons and you are not interested, say it. Don’t procrastinate or, even worse, ghost them.
Business relationships are among adult individuals, and one of the characteristics of adulthood is the ability to say and accept “no” as an answer. Ultimately, you respect the other person’s time and prevent them from wasting it.
2) Be consistent and show integrity
Our behaviors contribute to building our professional persona and, most importantly, the opinions others have of us. This also includes how and what we communicate.
Making sure our words match our actions is essential to building trust and deepening relationships with someone.
If you want others to see you as a reliable and competent professional, ensure you show reliability and competence in any circumstances, not only when you meet to discuss your offer or resume. The content we post on social media, the courtesy and timeliness we use in answering emails, the respect of the business etiquette, or the genuineness we show in getting to know others contribute to creating boundness.
On the other hand, overselling yourself, spamming others with emails and phone calls, or only reaching out when you need something are reasons some business relationships become stagnant or remain superficial.
3) Be generous
A couple of years ago, I met someone in my Italian network in New York, introduced by a mutual acquaintance.
After a coffee and a nice chat, I asked to be introduced to the HR leaders at her organization since she mentioned they regularly hire coaches to support their top management. She told me she would have introduced me only if I had done something for her first, although she didn’t have a specific request for me then. But her approach was to “test” people on what they could do for her before doing something in return. I left that meeting and decided not to reconnect with this person again.
Most people see business relationships as purely transactional, as a give-and-take only. They are open to give only when they see a concrete benefit or have already received something in return.
Showing generosity without being selfish is a key to developing solid relationships, as it shows you care about the other person and can be trusted. It says more about who you are as a professional and your core values as an individual than thousands of social media likes or client testimonials on your website.
This will encourage others to speak positively about you and be more supportive when you need help.
Building your business network is an investment on which you cannot foresee the expected return. Sometimes, you get what you want promptly; other times, you reap what you sow long-term.
Besides, human relationships have infinite potential, so you might not get what you expected, but you can still benefit from them. Often, the relationships we create during our careers make them meaningful and reward us over time, beyond profits and accolades.
For those reasons, strategically investing time and effort in developing meaningful business relationships always brings some benefits, in the short term or the long term.
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